By a New Lifer

For the last year of my life, every time I hear the song “Good, Good Father”, I lose it.  Break down.  Sometimes in quiet tears streaming down my face. Other times it is deep, earth-shattering sobs that wrack my body.  Every time I hear the song I am saddened because this relationship, this “good father” is not the paternal relationship I have known.  I have no frame of reference for this “goodness”.

I recently had a watershed moment in counseling.  I came to a realization that the depths of pain that exist in my relationship with my parents, (not just my father), have left me wanting, and greatly lacking, in more ways than I ever even knew.  I never stood a chance at knowing what it meant to be valued, of knowing my worth, because it was never exampled to me.

The day after I had this revelation in counseling, I sat down at my desk at work, and turned on the praise and worship station on Pandora.  The first song to play: “Good, Good Father.”

I sat at my desk and wept. But, for the first time, the tears were tears of joy, happiness, relief even.  It felt as if God had taken a seat next to me, put his arm around me, and whispered to me, “My dear child. Your earthly father may have fallen short, but I have always been here.  I have called you by name, you are mine.”

I am still angry.  I am still processing through all of the emotions that come with such a startling revelation.  Thankfully, my heavenly Father knows me deeply, and He knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and He provides for me.  And has been providing for me, always.

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are
And I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

It is who I am. A beloved child.

What marvelous news.