Trauma and Abuse Resources
We have compiled this page of resources to aid our congregation with managing, coping with and growing after traumatic experiences.
We know the news of the abuse allegation will impact each of us differently. Some of us will be confused. Some will be hurt or angry. Some will be afraid. Some will be deeply heartbroken. Be encouraged that whatever you feel, the Lord knows your heart and the Holy Spirit intercedes for you with groans that words cannot express. We will all need our time to process, grieve and reckon with this. We understand that trust will be hard to come by amongst each other for some time. We do not expect you to process this or feel any particular way by a certain point in time. Please, be gentle with one another and yourselves. Take the time you need. Find support with the Lord, with each other and from any of the resources we can provide you.
Guide for Prayer
How to pray together
- It may be difficult to pray together, especially if it is with people you do not know well – there will be a variety of viewpoints and experiences related to this case.
- Be thoughtful and careful with your words – Ask God to make you sensitive to the hearts of others who may feel a variety of different things.
- You don’t have to pray about everything or everyone related to this.
- You can acknowledge that you may not know what to pray and just ask God to help.
- Try to avoid sharing your conclusions/convictions about the situation in your prayers (i.e., ‘God we know this did/didn’t happen, so…’) while we are in a time of investigation.
- You’re going to make mistakes. Ask for grace and give it.
- You or others may express strong emotions. It is okay to stop praying and simply say, “Amen.” It is also okay to step away from the group that is praying if you are uncomfortable.
How to pray individually
- Let your most honest prayers be between you and the Lord and/or with those to whom you are closest (where grace is most likely to be given and received and where we are less likely to hurt or be hurt).
- Submit your heart, views, and feelings to God that he might gently care for you and lead you in them.
- Submit the outcome of all this to God.
Specific Prayers: (Thank. Confess. Ask.)
- Thank God that his power of healing is even for situations like these.
- Thank God that he has provided financially for us to be able to pursue a thorough investigation and for the help we’ve received so far.
- Thank God that he will make all things right in the end and that he is working all things for the good.
- Confess the ways we seek control that is not ours, but God’s.
- Confess where we have little patience or grace in regards to this.
- Ask God to bring clarity about what has happened, and to care for us even if he does not give clarity in the end.
- Ask God to guide the Session as we investigate and care for the church and those involved.
- Ask God to heal what has been broken.
Guidelines for Conversation
As the current situation is extraordinarily difficult to talk about, the elders would like to offer some encouragements for how to relate to and care for each other well during this time of collective processing (click each guideline below for more detail):
It is easy for us to talk and think as though God is not part of the equation and won’t show up for us or be near us. But he is always with us and always ready to enter into our pain, confusion, frustration, fear, loneliness, anger, shame, uncertainty, etc. Talk with each other like God is in the room too.
Before coming to church or community group, prayer meeting, bible studies, etc. consider taking 5 minutes to pray and prepare your heart, asking God to make you sensitive to how he would lead and careful with your words and actions. This helps us keep God in view when we spend time together.
Don’t assume someone is ready or willing to talk about the topic. It can be very helpful to just ask, before speaking about the situation, if someone is open to talking about it. Maybe they will be, maybe they won’t. Maybe they can listen to you share, but will not be ready to share themselves. Asking permission helps create space for each other when we need it.
We will all make mistakes in how we talk about this with each other. We will inevitably hurt or offend someone (intentionally or unintentionally). Let’s expect that we will make mistakes and do our best to be quick to ask forgiveness and quick to offer it. If we can expect that 5-10% of the time we will make mistakes or offend, those mistakes and offenses can become less of a thing we feel like condemns us or means we’ve failed and more like something that, by grace, we can come back from.
It is easy for us to prioritize having the exact right ‘view’ on how to process or respond to this. We can focus on being ‘right’ rather than on loving the person standing in front of us – who is equally made in the image of God, equally loved by God and equally redeemed and promised grace. Instead, let’s prioritize love and our relationship to each other as we walk in the uncertainty.
Have a curiosity for understanding what someone is communicating, rather than moving towards evaluating what they say first if you don’t think you agree. The more we can try to genuinely listen to and understand the other person, the better able we’ll be to prioritize relationship.
We would encourage everyone not to speculate on what they think may or may not have happened as well as to not speculate about the identity of the victim or victim’s family and to refrain from discussing that with others. While it is hard not to be curious, it is right and good to let our minds be quiet before the Lord and entrust him with the knowledge we do not have.
Mental Health and Traumatic Experiences
Presentation slides from the talk Trauma and Healing 101 by Brennan C. Mallonee, LMHC (posted with permission).
Detaching From Emotional Pain (Grounding) – set of strategies to facilitate “healthy detachment” from emotional pain
Self-Care Assessment – to help you learn about your self-care needs by spotting patterns and recognizing areas of your life that need more attention
Abuse Response Training Materials
From churchcares.com…
We believe every church must be equipped to respond well in the initial stages of learning about instances of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. That is why we created Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused. This training curriculum of a handbook, an introductory video, and 12 lesson videos brings together top experts from various fields to help leaders understand and implement the best practices for handling the variety of abuse scenarios at church, school, or ministry. The most comprehensive training is experienced by using the handbook and videos together.
Resources For Parents
Talking to your Child about Sexual Abuse provides some helpful tips for addressing sexual abuse with children and youth. This sample script from Kelly Miller, LMHC is offered to guide parents in talking about the abuse report with their children.
Teaching Touching Safety Rules is a resource to help parents teach kids about their bodies, personal space, and safe and unsafe touches.
Parents may also contact the Middlesex County Child Advocacy Center for information on how to communicate these things to your children and what to do if you believe your child has been a witness to or experienced abuse.
Parents might also find the following books helpful in educating their children to protect themselves and their bodies…
MinistrySafe provides online sexual abuse awareness training to equip individuals to better understand the risk of child sexual abuse. If you would like access to this training (about an hour long self-paced video series), please contact our Children’s Ministry Director for more detials.
In an online conversation with the Trinity Forum, Rachael Denhollander (attorney, author, advocate, and educator recognized as a leading voice on the topic of sexual abuse) answers the question: How do you protect your children from abuse, even from infancy?